Margie Abbott

Margie Abbott: PM’s Wife and Local Community Champion

In HUX DINING COMPETITION by Edwina Hunter3 Comments

We met up with passionate local community leader and Prime Minister’s wife, Margie Abbott, before she went off to a lunch at the Manly Women’s Shelter where she is patron. Margie shares about her personal and family life, passion for her work, living in the local area and, of course, about being married to the Prime Minister.

Margie was born in New Zealand, her desire to connect with people started early as Margie claims she made a “modest attempt” to learn the Maori language in the hope it would help breakdown barriers and build bridges. In 1983, Margie left New Zealand to work in the marketing department of a merchant bank in Sydney, where she met Tony Abbott, an Oxford educated, rugby playing, Rhodes Scholar and journalist with The Bulletin. He proposed after taking her on the Kokoda Track and they married at Riverview Chapel in September 1988. They have three daughters, Louise, Bridget and Frances.

PERSONAL

1.   You can be in the sandpit with the children one day and meeting the Queen the next, how do you balance this?

I think it’s a state of mind. For me, my work is my joy and my passion and being married to the Prime Minister is a recent change in my life. My approach is always to attempt to take it in my stride: relishing the moment. So, whether I am in the sandpit, at the painting easel or introducing Prince Harry to one of my daughters, these are all wonderful things to be able to do and each has an importance. I just try to approach it by living in the moment.

My life hasn’t suddenly changed into something glamorous and exciting. We are a very ordinary Australian family who have found ourselves in an extraordinary situation and this is something that Tony and I have been very keen to protect. We still try to have family dinners and exercise together, it’s about how you approach the job and those things are just too important to let go.

Although there may be constraints on time, when we have a moment, these are the things that we really want to do. So, I still cook, hang out the washing, walk the dog and do my own shopping – we want to keep doing these things because you can’t relate to the average person in the street if you are living in some surreal political bubble. You shouldn’t just disappear from your real life. People feel secure if they see you doing the things that you’ve always done – it adds value. We’re all just trying to do our best for our families or for the country on a bigger scale.

Up until the 2010 election most families at the centre where I work had no idea who I was married to. It just doesn’t enter in to it and it was only after that election, when there was the odd photo of me, that they would say, “oh my goodness, we didn’t realise!” to which I would reply, “well why would you?” Even now, I never talk politics [at the centre], I never talk about who I’ve met or what we might have done because when I’m at the centre it’s the little people that are the priority.

2. In 1983, when you first arrived in Sydney, did you ever imagine being where you are now?

No, never! In fact, that moment when I was standing at Kirribilli house with Prince Harry, my husband and our daughters, looking out over the most magnificent view over Sydney Harbour, I recalled when I first came to Australia and I was living in Manly. I would catch the ferry across to work in the city and I would look at Kirribilli House and Admiralty House and I would think, “Oh, that’s where the Prime Minister of Australia lives”. Then I find myself in this situation and pinch myself. Life is strange.

3. How have you maintained a private personal life despite Tony’s long political career?

It is something that we have both have worked very hard at. Tony has been in politics for almost 20 years and we made the decision early on that we would have independent lives so I could work or, in fact, I could do whatever I chose, whether that would be me being at home (which I was very happy to do for a period of time) or going back to work. The weekends were always our family time and we tried to keep our public and our private life very separate, and it has worked to date. Of course, when he became Opposition Leader it changed because he was seen as the alternate Prime Minister and, by extension, the family also needed to step up so to speak. We were lucky in that our girls were older and they could make the decision for themselves as to whether they wanted to be involved in campaigning or to attend functions with Tony and I – They love their father, they are very proud of their father, so for them that was just a natural extension of us as a family. I also think it’s very important for us as a family to see Tony in that role – he walks in our door and he is just Dad or Tony – he’s not allowed to get carried away with himself, and he’s not the sort of person to do that. Equally, it’s important for us to see the work that he does, and I think that by becoming involved, especially in recent times, they get to see that side of him; and as I say, they are very proud of him. But it’s the devil and the deep blue sea in terms of merging the public and the private, and despite the situation we are in now, and the blurring of lines, I think we will still (to a certain extent) be able to do that.

4. In John Howard’s book Lazarus Rising I recall his fond references to friendships he forged with other world leaders during his time in politics. Have you been surprised with some of the relationships you have formed?

Tony has certainly developed many friendships (with 11 years as a minister in the Howard government and then in opposition), some very good and strong relationships; personal relationships, as well, with Prime Ministers and Presidents of other countries, which is, of course, a huge bonus and from an international relations point of view. It’s good for Australia if it can be more than just boardroom discussions where your family is by extension, part of that connection as well. That is often the point that brings people closer.

John Howard was Prime Minister for 11 years and in politics a long while before that so I also hope for that kind of thing for Tony and I in the years ahead.

5. Would you say your diary is your best friend? What else helps you say on top of things?

At this stage, life is certainly manageable. I’m still working and my time with the children and the families that I work with, and support, are very important to me. So, as long as I can do that, then everything else will fit around that as best I can. This is not about Margie Abbott infact dare I say it’s not even about Tony Abbott, this is about a new government that is trying to create a better Australia.

6. Having a lot to juggle, have you ever had any wardrobe mix-ups, forgotten to pack something dressy for an official engagement or arrived to an important event with paint in your hair?

I have certainly arrived at a number of different functions, having mixed up the paint that day at the centre, and have splashes of blue and red on my hands. I carry these things with pride.

I have a line that I have practiced. If I ever walk into a function and I am wearing a dress that someone else is wearing I say, “Wow, you look absolutely fantastic and clearly we both must have great taste”.

EARLY LEARNING EDUCATION

7. As a parent whose daughters attended the Centre and then being the director for the past five years, can you tell us why early childhood education is so important?

It is important because research has shown that the first five years of a child’s life are key times for brain development. The experiences, the love, the security, the relationships that a child has in the first five years are vital and the nature and the tone of these early experiences are the things that will hopefully set the foundation for good social relationships and brain development and confidence to go out into the big wide world and be able to say, “I can do this”. I think equally, it’s a time for little people to see themselves other than just extensions of their parents. For the first few years they see themselves as very close to mum and dad and grandparents – that’s their whole world. Their first few steps away from that, and that ability to realise that they can have friendships other than with the family, are important lessons for a young person.

Society in general has tended to undervalue the importance of education in the early years and although I am a trained teacher, for me it’s just about the passion and something I have committed many years to. Now I find myself in a situation where I can talk about these things and draw attention to these things, not as a person with letters after my name but as a person who works in early childhood; I am very happy to do that.

Equally, the people who work in early childhood have often been undervalued. As a society, and this is not just a political comment, we need to value our early childhood educators because they are doing a job in partnership with families, which I think is very important.

8. How difficult is it, as a carer, to speak to parents about any concerns you have with their child (that they may not receive well) for example speech delays or hearing difficulty?

These children are the whole world of the parent and as a carer, it’s all about the relationship you have with that parent, and this is what I talk to my staff about. My guiding principle is that we have to treat every child as if they are our own and if it was my own child, as a parent I would want to be told [about any concerns] – we owe it to the families who have children in our care. They are always our priority, even if it turns out that it’s okay in the end, I would still want someone to tell me. It may just require speech pathology, or be a behavioural issue, which can be very easily managed; but as a parent, yes, I’d want to know about that. Of course, once we have spoken to the parents, that’s not the end of the story but ultimately it’s a journey and we can support them along the way.

9. The Centre just celebrated its 37th birthday, which is a big achievement for any organisation, can you tell us a bit about the celebrations?

This is a community based not-for-profit centre. In the early 1970’s a group of parents got together and thought, we don’t have a service that we can leave our children for a period of time, so these parents formed a management committee – these were just local mums and dads. There’s a bit of a funny story, we have a sign that originally said 1973 so I had earmarked this year as our 40th anniversary but when going back through council documents we noticed [the centre] was only registered in 1976 so we decided to go ahead with the 37th birthday theme. So, it really is a celebration of community – we are not affiliated to anyone else – we are run by parents of the local community for the parents. Although it’s challenging and all our parent committee are volunteers, it works for the families that are there and long may that continue.

10. You have said that early education could be, in certain situations, as simple as holding a child. Can you expand on that thought?

Certainly at the Centre I work in this is often the first environment for the child to be away from their mum and dad and grandparents – the people they love the most, the people they see as important as their whole world as they know it– that is a huge step. My staff and I are there for the child. We say, “Would you like a hug? Would you like to sit on my lap? Let’s read a story.” It is about reassuring them that mum and dad are going to come back. We talk about what mum and dad are doing so they can understand that they may not be in the same environment but that it is a safe place for them to be in. And I must admit, at the centre that I’m involved with, I think our staff see themselves as an extension of the family so that makes it a lot easier for everyone.

11. Can you share one of your fondest memories working with children at the Centre?

Look, every day has its moments. I suppose in recent times the children have been very excited that I’m on television – I have had stories of children kissing newspapers! My line has always been, “No, that’s my sister.” One of my staff texted me about a conversation with two three-year-old girls one said, “Hey, did you see Margie on television last night?” to which the other replied, “No silly, that was her sister!” and they went on playing. It just shows the innocence of these children, they certainly don’t judge and that’s a wonderful thing being married to a politician. The headlines can be tough, but I walk into the centre and I am treated like anyone else and that, for me, has helped me be the person I am today.

FAMILY

12. Do you have any house rules, for example with phones and emails, considering that you and Tony are in such demand?

Tony has been magnificent. For 20 years, when he walks in the door the phone is switched off. Mind you, in recent times he has a tendency to check his phone, but that is totally understandable and I will give him a little leeway. Tony has honestly been fantastic; he is completely devoted to family time. So, whether it is sitting on the deck eating breakfast or when the girls were younger coming home at nine o’clock when the girls were asleep and [he’d] say I’ve got to go and read a story. He is committed to doing that and long may that continue – we may not be able to as demands are far greater – certainly a very disciplined approach is required.

13. It has been said that people often miss life’s greatest moments being busy. Can you relate to this and what do you do in your family to live in the moment?

We try to be together – for example, this Christmas we decided instead of being Ma and Pa Kettle at home with our 3 daughters overseas we decided (well before the election) that we would travel to be with our daughters fro Christmas. We try to live for the moment but as a family those things are important.  We appreciate the small things – like when Tony is at home we try to share that time with friends as friendships are very important to us. Tony has friendships that go back many years some to primary school and that’s very important, or a simple Friday night watching TV eating a curry from the local take away.  It doesn’t need to be glamorous or exciting, it’s the here and the now, especially for Tony, that he can walk in the door and take off his suit and that blue tie and just be himself at home.

14. Do you cycle with your husband? 

We don’t get a lot of time to cycle together. I started cycling in January, I’m 56 years of age soon, and my doctor said, “You have a busy job and you walk every day but it’s not enough.” Each time I visited him it would be another half kilogram (or one) more. My mother has type 2 diabetes so I am a prime candidate and so last Christmas Tony gave me a bike. I had decided (and this is not a political response) that 2013 was going to be my year to get fit and be well.

So, in January, a group of friends (who are the wives of all Tony’s mates that he cycles with) started getting together two to three times a week. We’ve done a number of charity rides, recently for The Kids Cancer Project and Giant Steps who support children with autism. It’s just gradual, for me I’ve lost almost 20 kilograms – I feel as though I’ve lost 20 years and I my doctor is also saying to me that I’m well!

I cut out the bread and the dairy and supplemented with other things, I went to see a naturopath, and I got on the bike – it has really been life changing! My message to all women, regardless of your age, is if you can (and particularly if you have a young family, when you can) exercise and have some time for yourself – for me it’s been life changing.

Yesterday, for example, I went up and down the hills around home for 40 minutes and I feel great! It also kills the need to eat so it’s a win-win situation. My mother at this age was slowing down but I think 50 is the new 40 and why slow down if it means you are healthy and happier? Your relationships are stronger and more confident; then everyone wins. I don’t see it as working out when we cycle as a group, we start with a coffee and end with
a coffee and in the meantime, do a hard two hours. It’s very social as well.

We tend to do national parks, not roads, West Head and Akuna Bay. It’s not about time or the speeds but that you’ve finished the ride and challenged yourself. For women like me with our children grown, this is our time – and might I say I’m actually really enjoying it!  Bit of a role reversal, “When are you coming home mum?” “Well, I’m not sure, sometime…”

I’ve become a bit of a bike snob, I don’t certainly don’t have a bike to be snobby about, but I look at other people’s bikes and think maybe my husband short-changed me! Maybe I need an upgrade this Christmas.

15. With Christmas approaching, can you describe your family’s favourite traditions?

To be with family – to put up the Christmas tree, we have neighbours over for breakfast every Christmas morning. We open the presents and we have a humble BBQ brunch for breakfast and then we are with the extended family after that. Last year two of our daughters were overseas and it didn’t really feel like Christmas so this year we’re going to follow the girls because that’s Christmas for us – to be with family. This is the sign of the adult family, when we follow them!

16. You have previously commented that sometimes Tony’s optimism has seen him undertake home renovations and projects that may have been best left to others – can you share a personal favourite?

10-15 years ago he had an idea to build a cubby house for the girls, this cubby house is so huge that people asked if we had got a DA for it. It had a fireman’s pole – for Tony to practice on. It was huge! That’s his approach to life.

A little while ago he just decided to rip up the back deck and within 2 days he had replaced it. And he painted it and hadn’t consulted me, and the colour is appalling, but in his mind it’s finished. He certainly approaches everything with enthusiasm and energy and if he has two hours he doesn’t think ‘well that’s not enough time’ he’ll think he can do anything in that time. If I ask him to do something, nine times out of ten he will do it so I am very lucky in that regard. For Tony that is his downtime, that’s like his exercise, it’s thinking time. Exercise and activity for him is relaxation.

We had got home from a function at around 11pm last night – the alarm went off at 4:30am and he went on his run up and down the hills in our street for 40 minutes before the politics starts for the day. For him it’s as important as breakfast or the cup of coffee, it’s his headspace time. There is no thought of not doing that, even after the election, because he knows that the rest of his day won’t allow for any of that.

17. Do you get much sleep?

Yes I do… Tony can operate on five to six hours of sleep – when he’s at home, he will usually get eight hours, which seems to recharge him.

Even if he’s only had five hours, his exercise will help in that. It’s like meditating for him.

LOCAL AREA

18. What do you love most about working on the Upper North Shore?

It’s close to home so I’m not having to battle traffic going to the city. The people and the families are fantastic, the people who work at the centre are locals and they are all fabulous. Part of our mission statement is that we endeavour to reflect the hopes and values of those in the community and that’s what we strive to do. For me, that’s who I am too; so that’s a nice synergy.

19. Tell us a bit about bringing up your daughters in this area?

Just prior to Tony moving into politics we moved in to Fox Valley Road, Wahroonga and we used to frequent all the parks around there. We were surrounded with people like us – families commited to their communities and the places they lived in. That’s essentially what everyone wants in a community, to be around people you relate to.

20. What do you and your family love to do/visit in the area?  

For the last 25 years we have holidayed every Christmas and Easter down the south coast with the same group of friends and stay in caravan parks or cabins, with our surfboards,bikes and lots of BBQ’s – it’s the quintessential Australian family holiday and we will continue to do that. Tony is a keen surfer and I just splash around at the edges on a boogie board. One of the sad things with the girls growing up is that they will only come for couple of days and not the whole holiday. But one day we’ll be grandparents and if my daughters decide to go back to work sooner rather than later then I’ll be there – and I’m sure there are plenty of grandparents reading this who say ‘my goodness, she’s making a rod for her own back’.

QUICK LOCAL QUESTIONS

1. Favourite local restaurant?

Tenka Sushi in St Ives – their bento box is fantastic! Reasonably priced and great food and Sous le Soleil also at St Ives.

2. Favourite local café?

My daughters love Max Brenner.

3. Favourite Local Park?

When my girls were little we used to go to Turramurra Memorial Park a lot and I cycle around Ku-ring-gai Chase National Park and I’m looking forward to doing the Bobbin Head ride – or the “bobbo ride” as the locals call it.

4. Favourite vantage point?

Yes, from West Head looking over Pittwater and the central coast – when I cycle from the city and on a sparkling Sydney day, my goodness, we are the lucky people.

5. Favourite family activity?

Breakfast at the BBQ table at the Abbott home – if we can all be together for brunch or dinner that’s about as special as it gets.

6. Favourite fashion trend at the moment?

I’m not a trend follower – I like Classic and simple and timeless. If I see something and I think I could be wearing this in 10 years time I like that. Like the ball gown I wore in 1996 and was able to wear again this year, 17 years later, because it’s a classic simple line and stands the test of time

7. After what you have achieved with your health may we have a health tip for our local readers?

Exercise and getting the heart rate up – and reducing the amount we put into our bodies – we probably put in too much and don’t expend enough energy – it sounds simple but it’s not, we just have to keep trying.

Thank you Margie! From the team at Living Local Magazine _ Summer 2013

  • Annabelle

    Where have you been since tony became PM? You are the invisible wife as opposed to the very visible “chief advisor” to the PM. It’s not a good look

    • wendy

      where is our first lady> the couple appear very distant to one another even on fleeting times eg.recent church services. afterwards Margie just seemed to be gone- straight away-what is going on ? is it just an arrangement between them ??

  • Brian

    Great article. Interesting to see how someone from our local community is given an opportunity to influence issues and their attitude to life. Nice to see someone is so grounded in who they are and what they do.